This is a good forward that I received from a friend... who is a grandfather like me. Good for laughs...... it's best to laugh at oneself (wife is ardhangini (better half), and thus technically a part of you), you donot offend anyone that way.
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
************
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
************
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
************
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
************
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
************
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
************
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
************
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
************
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
************
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
************
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice
Comments
...I hadnt hrd most of them but esp loved the sleeping pills one;-D
May i add some more stuff received by me on the subject, though it will occupy a lot of space in your comment window but it is worth it :-))
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home always.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs....."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a coin .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then
smiled "It really works ! "
Balvinder: Thank you for adding to the list. Agree with you that husband-wife is in the same class as Santa-Banta jokes to evoke laughter.
On a lighter note...."Do you have the address of the wishing well?"
and we are so generous that we are expected to live with husband's parents for whole life whereas husbands cant stand our parents for even short time.
After 30 years of marriage my parents too crack these jokes all the time :D
32 years is a long time indeed.
Congratulations on such a beautiful innings Sir.
Indyeah: Thank you - these jokes are stress relievers, and I do not know of any marriage that does not go through stress - we were designed differently by our Desginer. We think, speak and act differently causing stress to the other partner - joking about it helps, I believe.