Poonam and I were married on 22 June 1978, and started our
roller coaster ride that has lasted well over 41 years. Our roller coaster has
been through dramatic generational changes; we got married in an era in which
the norm was that the man earned and the better half was a housewife. In line
with tradition we both happily agreed that I would do everything outside the
front door and everything inside the home was her responsibility. She did have
domestic help to help her with the mundane. Means were limited but life was
good as a young married couple in the IAF. We were blessed with two kids – a daughter
and a son, and our family was complete, with an additional annual increment of
Rs 50/- in the pay cheque.
1985 - We were posted in Gorakhpur now and Poonam felt
inadequate, and suffered a self esteem issue, being a mere housewife. She
mentioned this to some ladies during a ladies club meet. Fortunately for her, a
wise lady told her that she should not look at herself as a mere housewife, but
as a home maker, and rightly so, because most husbands at that stage of our
careers were mostly not available to be of any help at home, even when they were
locally available, leave alone detachments, night, dawn, dusk flying etc. This
advice and a change of perspective changed how she viewed herself now; it did
wonders to her self esteem. She did all that it took to make/ keep the home, even
with all the frequent temporary/ permanent moves, as well as homes, and two
growing kids. She shouldered all the responsibilities in the home that most of
us men folk do not even comprehend, well generally, up until now, when the
Corona lockdown hit us in March 2020.
Picture Courtesy: Google Images
Corona Virus
The domestic help was not available from around mid March, and
the workload of the entire household fell on her shoulders, from cleaning,
mopping, dusting, dishes, cooking, etc. I volunteered to help in whichever way
possible to ease her workload as she too had turned 60 in February. She refused
my help initially, but finally gave in and we agreed that I do whatever she felt
was needed on a daily basis. The vacuum cleaner was dusted and pulled out of
its original box, where it had been gathering dust for over 5 years. So, one
day I was allotted the duty to vacuum the whole home. She is not very happy with my skills and
prefers me to do the dusting/ cleaning bathrooms and balconies. I realised that
Poonam is a ‘dusting’ freak. I remember her walking barefoot to feel the dust/ sitting
on the floor, inspecting the vitrified tiles against the light, to look for any
sign of dust. Over the past 2 weeks, day 17 today, I have learnt not to miss
any areas, as she knows every nook and corner of the home. She has caught me every
time I complete the dusting, with me confessing, ‘yaa, I missed that today’. I did an absolutely perfect job today, I
thought, and proudly proclaimed the same to her, only to be told, ‘did you dust
the balcony doors from outside?’ Mind you, she knew as she was in the balcony. The
answer was ‘No, tomorrow’. You can never beat these dust freaks; I remember
this from our cabin cupboard inspection days in NDA, 1969.
This was a dreaded drill in which our rooms, beds,
cupboards, etc were inspected for being made as per set standards. Every item
had a place and every item had to be in its place, properly cleaned, with no
dust anywhere. Punishments were normal after every inspection, because even when
everything was in place, the person inspecting would find some dust particle
over the mirror, under the table/ chair, etc. After a few inspections, I thought
that I had mastered the art and was confident that I would be able to avoid a
punishment. The inspection started and the person was visibly impressed as he
could not find any dust anywhere in the usual places. Lo and behold, he picks
up one of my drill boots, with 13 nails in each shoe sole, with a metal toe guard and a horse shoe at
the heel. He smiles, turns around and shows
me a speck of dust underneath one of the nails in the boot. Lesson learnt – you
can never win!
Picture Courtesy: Google Images
A Representative Drill Boot used at NDA during our times
This lesson now comes in handy when Poonam confronts me with her
sharpened home maker skills. Jokes apart, these 17 days have taught me a number of new
skills, like sweeping, dusting, cleaning, chopping, maintaining the balcony
garden, making home fertiliser, segregating garbage, etc. Each one of these
tasks involves physical work, which exercises every muscle that I can confess
has never been used during the 67 years of my existence. From nothing inside
the home, I have come to willingly share, as also appreciate, the heavy
physical, mundane, & ‘brain dead’ jobs, as Poonam calls them. I always
appreciated the work done by our domestic helps over the years, in keeping our
homes liveable, but I am now humbled by their dedication to keeping our homes
clean, tidy and functional. My heart goes out to them for their contributions, and
my head bows to them in gratitude, as also to my dear Poonam for all that she
has done smilingly as our home maker. It took a Corona virus in our lives to put
things in perspective. I am sure mankind will be able to surmount this deadly
virus in due course, but not before this invisible and deadly virus teaches
each one of us some very valuable lessons, from the fragility of our existence,
to the things that are of value in life, but the most important of all will be,
I believe, to live in gratitude.
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