The newspaper is a very important part of my morning routine; sometimes I rush through it, due my perceived paucity of time, and sometimes I slow down, and enjoy the essence of what the words mean to me, based on my own experiences, which have been stored in my memory, over the last 73 years of my life. Today was one of those leisurely days, when the HT Chandigarh edition editorial by Rahul Sagar, “Must Lutyens fall so that Bharat can rise again?” struck a deep chord within me. I read, and re-read it – slowly, the second time, to let it sink in, and it made perfect sense to me. The penultimate paragraph speaks about the real essence of life, when Madhava Rao while delivering the convocation address at Presidency College, with misty eyes, remembered and credited Mr Powell with words to the effect that it was him, “who had made him what he was.” Reflecting on this I realised that even I am, and every human too, is the product of the history and geography of past experiences and learnings.
The next stop was at page 16, “30 things to know before you
turn 30”. It was a compilation of short reflections from people across
different fields within the professional spectrum. Nothing very dramatic, but some
of the little lessons that life had taught them resonated within me too. While
reading some of them, my memory kicked right in, as they were relatable.
Supriya Joshi’s reflection of “no one cares about you as much as you do.” In
life most of us go through with “what will they think?” Well, everyone realises
sometime in life that no one cares, because the only one living your life is you;
every one else has an opinion, based on their perception. My personal
experience has taught me that you are the only one who must take ownership of
your decisions, rest only offer advice or opinion; take it, if you must, else
leave it. Do exactly what one thinks is best under the circumstances one is in.
Early in life I had a boss who taught me that “put the gun on your shoulder and
fire, and no one will question you.” However, the flip side is that you will
have to bear the recoil, once the bullet leaves the barrel. There are always two
sides to any coin, I now know.
Akshay Tyagi offers a rounded perspective about a situation
when one is tempted to give an opinion. He opines, “offer grace before opinion and
hold back on your opinion.” This is a very important lesson that life teaches,
but only once one has been through it; some early in life, and some later in
life. My experience of life has taught me to offer advice or opinion only when
asked for, and that too only before the event. After the event has happened and
is causing distress to the person, refrain, as it feels like one is rubbing salt
on a grievous deep wound.
Anjali Sivaraman reflects that “it takes no effort to be
considerate.” Little acts of acknowledgement of another human being by holding
the “door open” when they are following us through modern doors, with a hydraulically
operated door closer, verbally, or nonverbally, greeting others with a smile, hello,
hi, or gestures, are small acts that have the power to change habits and
behaviours. I remember the first time I had gone to the US in 1989. I left Delhi
airport looking at tired, serious faces at ticketing counters, immigration, and
customs, and arrived in the US to agents doing their job professionally at
immigration & smiling faces of the airline and airport staff; Hi by
strangers felt awkward at first but felt natural after a while. Did it change
my behaviour? Sure did.
Rupinder Nanda feels that giving credit is an important “could
learn” skill. He feels that “being able to openly appreciate someone else’s
work, without insecurity, shows a deep sense of self” and “maturity”. Interior
designer Sarah Sham feels strongly about being able to say sorry and move on, as
life is “too short” to drag things or keep scores.
Reading and reflecting on these life lessons bring out one
simple fact; small, doable actions are far easier to begin than grand plans. It
is the ordinariness of the acts, a smile, an acknowledgement, an appreciation,
a little compassion that cost nothing and yet have the power to make the most
difference to most people.
I leave with a profound thought that the world would be a
better place, not by trying to fix everything around us, but when we make a few
small edits within ourselves. The world around us is nothing more than millions
of individual habits playing out together. When those habits become a little
kinder, calmer and more thoughtful, the world around us changes for the better.
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